


Soliloquy

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-11
Updated: 2008-01-11
Packaged: 2019-01-19 11:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12409134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: A quiet Christmas drink leads to some uninvited soul-searching. Scrivenshaft entry.





	Soliloquy

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

__

Silent night, holy night  
All is calm, all is bright  
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child…

The sounds from the radio crackled as they filled the pub with what Angelina assumed was supposed to be drowsy comfort and good cheer. She was having none of it.

Christmas had been her favorite time of year, once upon a time. Tradition had defined the season for her family, but not the stuffy kind like going to Midnight Mass and going to parties where adults exclaimed over you for a moment and then promptly forgot you existed. The homey kind, like how her mum transformed the armchair into an evergreen on Christmas Eve, and she and her sister made a superbly unseasonal breakfast of grapefruit and pineapple coffee cake the next morning. 

Those days belonged to the past now. For Angelina, at least. She was sure that, at this very moment, her mum and Natalie would be chuckling as the cat found himself suddenly atop a tree rather than his favorite napping place.

She wouldn’t be there this year, though. Despite the fact Angelina had celebrated with them last year, she’d used the excuse that she was an adult now and wanted to celebrate at her place. As to whether or not they believed her, she neither knew nor cared. Angelina needed to be alone. Just her and the buggers who had suddenly decided to make her day by kicking at her like they’d nothing better to do with themselves. Maybe she deserved it.

“Angelina?”�

No. 

This was not the Three Broomsticks. It was not the Leaky Cauldron. It wasn’t even the Hog’s Head. It was just some inconspicuous muggle pub where she was not supposed to run into, recognize, or have to speak to anyone. 

“Ange?”�

Resigned, she took a large gulp of her hot chocolate. It was not satisfying. Angelina needed something stronger. She turned around.

“Alicia.”�

Thank god.

Angelina actually smiled. “What are you doing here?”�

“Holiday special, thanks,”� she said to bartender, then slid into the chair next to Angelina.

“What are you doing here?”� she repeated.

Alicia laughed, “I should ask you that same question. But I’ll be fair and answer first. I suppose maybe it slipped your mind this is where I grew up?”�

No shit. She’d had a feeling there was a reason she’d apparated to Salisbury, but now she knew. Her subconscious had a cruel sense of humor, Angelina decided.

“Why aren’t you home, then?”� she asked, trying to keep the discussion as far away from her as possible, “Aren’t they expecting you?”�

“The cousins are driving me mad,”� Alicia said simply. “I had to get away. But I suppose it’ll all be over soon. Just got to find someone to get through it with."

“Right.”�

“What about your family?”� she asked pointedly, “I’m sure your sister would love it if you dropped by.”�

“Definitely not. My mum spends the entire evening obsessively cleaning everything, and Nat does this thing where she’s helpful and considerate and smiles…I’ll pass, thanks.”�

“No, that doesn’t really sound much like your kind of thing.”�

They sat in silence for a moment, the only sounds coming from the crackling old radio on the counter and the tinkling laugh of a woman in the corner. Angelina looked at her friend and caught her staring at her huge stomach. Alicia met her gaze and looked away, blushing slightly.

“I wasn’t planning to keep them, you know.”�

Alicia looked at her. “You weren’t?”�

“No.”�

“Did you talk with…I mean, did he…?”�

“Did Fred know? Of course.”�

“Oh.”�

Another beat passed.

“So what made you change your mind?”�

Angelina shrugged. “Dunno. I s’pose it just seemed like the right thing to do.”�

Alicia nodded.

“But I’m still not sure,”� she added, “Alicia, I just don’t know…this whole mum thing’s still hard for me to get my head around. That was one of the reasons we weren’t going to keep them.”�

She took another sip from her mug.

“We were too young. I still am. And life was too unpredictable back then — how were we to know the war would be over in a matter of months? Either of us could have been dead the next day.”�

“You went to the battle anyway.”�

She sighed heavily. “Yeah. I wasn’t even thinking about her or Fred. Daft, isn’t it?”�

“I wouldn’t say that.”�

“You would if you knew the half of it,”� Angelina said darkly, “I’ll tell you something, Alicia. You’re not going to like it, and maybe won’t even understand it, but I think I want you to know.”�

“Alright…”� 

She paused for a moment, and then — 

“I was pissed off that this war was getting in the way of me having the twins, and the way I saw it, it would never end unless I did something about it myself.”�

“Didn’t you just say you weren’t thinking about them?”�

Angelina grimaced, “That’s why it’s so ridiculous. That wasn’t the real reason, but I guess I convinced myself it was. I don’t even know the real reason. But the crazy part is, I figured that if something happened to her while I was fighting, then at least…at least it would be an accident and I wouldn’t have to do it myself.”�

She sat for a moment, staring at her mug intently and blinking several times. Alicia let a silence pass as her friend composed herself.

“The worst part is,”� she said, “instead of the kids I never even wanted, it was Fred that died.”�

“Karma’s a bitch,”� said Alicia.

She laughed, but there was no humor in it and a tear almost managed its way out. Alicia made as though to hold her hand, but Angelina jerked it away. She bit her lip apologetically.

A moment passed. 

“This has to stop.”�

“What?”�

“I haven’t seen you since May. No one has. We’re worried about you.”�

Angelina frowned. “Maybe I’ve just needed some time on my own. Clear my head, you know?”�

“Yes, I get that. I figured you needed some times to grieve alone. That’s why I didn’t try to contact you at first. But it’s been over half a year, and you haven’t returned any of my owls or anything.”�

“I know,”� she said, “I don’t really have any excuse — “

“I’m not looking for an excuse,”� Alicia cut in, “But this just isn’t right. It’s not like you to keep to yourself. You’ve got to keep living, Ange.”� 

She nodded slowly. “It’s just hard, I guess.”�

“There’d be something wrong with you if there wasn’t.”� Alicia took a sip and smiled. “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." 

Angelina raised an eyebrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?”�

Alicia hesitated for a moment and then said, “You know, I really have no idea. I remember my granddad said it when Grand passed away and we were all sitting around laughing about the crazy things she used to do. Then again, there was a lot of firewhiskey going around, so maybe he’s not the best authority on that.”�

She rolled her eyes.

A little smile lingered on Angelina’s lips for a moment. She set her mug down on the counter. 

“Fine,”� she said, “I’ll do this.”�

“Minus the pessimism.”�

“Minus the pessimism. But you’re coming over to change diapers.”�

They laughed for a moment before Alicia looked at the clock over the bar.

“Damn, I need to get home.”�

Angelina nodded, surprised to find a little sinking feeling in her stomach. The conversation hadn’t been what she’d wanted, but seeing Alicia had been similar to coming up for a breathe of air. 

She smiled and picked up her coat.

“Alicia.”�

She turned around.

“This all stays between us for a while.”�

Alicia smiled faintly and nodded.

“Merry Christmas, Ange.”�

“Merry Christmas.”�


End file.
